A man who doesn't like his phone

"It's the suckiest phone I have ever had. It sucks so much it should have been a vacuum cleaner." Read the description of a "really nasty mobile phone" for sale on eBay . Actually, it isn't necessarily for sale, "You have a choice, you can bid for the phone or you can bid for a homemade DVD of it's slow demise. I plan to use a vice, a drill, possibly an angle grinder, some flamable liquids, a blowtorch and finally a sledghammer."